My cats are trying to kill me.

Why is it no one believes me when I tell them my cats are plotting my death? Is it so hard to believe?  The fact is I think the actual plot is to kill me in my sleep and find a way to blame the dogs so they are removed from the house.  Cats only love you because they are forced to, dogs are too stupid not to love you.

I suppose you think it's impossible to be killed by a cat?  There is evidence to support my theory:
1) Is the creepy way they look at me 2) They like my wife way more than me 3) I have a constant cat nip flavour on my tongue which leads me to believe they stalk me in my sleep 4) I awake constantly feeling like I am a cat toy bouncing on a string and in my sleepy daze I hear the lingering sound of jingle balls and am covered in a cocoon of cat fur.

A friend of mine is getting married soon.  As a man who has been married to a woman for all of his adult life and a little bit before the adult part happened - I think I understand loving someone.  It doesn't mean I solved a mystery or understand the secret of relationships.  I just get wanting to be with the same person.  Wanting to 'get' that person and accept them.  That to me is what the 'marriage' is - you are committing to be flexible, to be kind, to be understanding, and in return you are asking for the same.  Love is the by product.  It is the want for eternity and happiness, but there is no guarantee that a simple vow will lead to either.  There is no way to ensure you will not get hurt.  No way to ensure that even though I've been married 12 years and with the same woman for 16 that we will end up together.  It is my intention for nothing to change by allowing everything to change - except for the bond.  The vow I made to recognise the bond and protect it, shelter it and foster it.  People don't believe in vows that much anymore.  We are no longer taught that your word is your honour.  That honour has value, and being a man or woman of honour is all that matters.  Again a simple view on life.  The details of life make the realities of a bond, a vow, and honour difficult words to live by.

Morality for the masses.  Morality is forgotten because life is hard.  We search for the path of least resistance and we flood those who take it with accolades.  Well I like to think I am a man of honour.  That doesn't mean I have never made mistakes.  I have done dishonourable things.  Things I am not proud of and things that sting me to this very day.  The difference is I learn from those things.  I don't celebrate my failures I live with them, and I try to never repeat them.  My success - if it ever happens - will not be at the expense of others.  My success - if it ever happens - will celebrate others.  Ah utopia.  And in summation if I die tonight - blame the cats.