Anyone else forget just about everything you learned in high school? A friend of mine recently went back to school so she could enter the health care system and help people. I find that an amazing feat. Not to mention the act of wanting to help sick people goes against my germ-phobias and my complete lack of ability to think about anyone other than myself. 'Let them eat cake' I say, but thankfully there are good people in the world who want to do good things for others. The thought of going back to school fills me with terror and angst plus the fear of failure. She is someone who found a passion in life and had the courage to take a risk and find her own way. She is also the type of person you tend to like so much you want to scrunch her up and put her in your pocket so you can take her anywhere you go. Perhaps that doesn't sound right - she's just fun to have around - let's stick with that.
Now a writer would have changed parts of that intro, but in this blog I have decided to show the warts of my writing. You should see how my mind works before I actually edit it. Otherwise I might sound intelligent and seem talented. What the hell good could come of that horseshit I ask you? I have people in Germany and France who seem to be tuning into my little peep show here. Welcome to you all and would it be too forward of me to ask you if you would like to marry me and have my babies? Too forward? Why string people along for a whole career when I can alienate them within minutes of them finding me? Why wait to have a comeback when I can start rebuilding my failed career before it even gets started?
The first draft of my 3rd novel is now complete and this will be my last blog for a week or two as I need to get my head back on straight. The thrill of being finished and getting a little rest for my meager imagination. The elation that I finished step one of the process feels good. I intend on getting down to my studio to throw some paint on canvas. I suggest we all stand up and do a little happy dance. I am currently doing a naked Electric Slide. Unfortunately, for those of you who know me you may have formed a mental picture of said Naked Electric Slide (I apologize for that).
My question for the day is - if you are stuck in a beautiful prison - are you still in prison? The real prison is a hostile and dangerous place. But let's say you are in a prison of bright vibrant colours and although you can't leave you can satisfy the occasional whim. You live well enough, you eat well, you still go on vacation from time to time. At the end of the day within your beautiful prison you have little contact loved ones, and hardly any access to your passions - is that prison? If you have half of your free will, but not all of it, does it still count as being free? Is living a half life really that much better than no life? Just wondering...
My next blog will be funny. My wife tells me I need to stop being depressing. I have been trying to take this advise to heart. Although one last question - does a woman who revels in the likes of Jane Eyre, a woman who thinks Jane Austen is the greatest story teller whom ever lived, does she really get to judge who is depressing? My humble answer can only be "yes". What about you?
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Tuesday 5 July 2011
Terminal dumbness and the art of always being wrong
I have these pictures of my pets that dredge themselves up from time to time. They are hidden in my computer or on my phone and due to my complete lack of competence with anything computerized these things tend to vanish, and then I happen upon them when I am trying to fix something or find something I have lost. These little moments in time exist because we were able to get one of the dogs or cats standing still for long enough to capture their life on film (do we still call it film?). I have been thinking about the fleeting life we all live, and the moments that seem endless are really just seconds that pass, and one day these moments will catch up with me. I suppose it's melancholy or just self-indulgence. I don't like to dwell on the eventualities of life, but sometimes you just can't help it.
Suz and I have lost pets. Most of us have I'm sure. Unfortunately, for us they were just babies. I don't want to decide whether it's harder to lose a long time friend or a new one. Either way it's just too hard to want to think about. Currently, I am sitting in my den while Angus is being a clown, Sadie and Anna just want to be left alone, and Bronte (or Bubba as I call him) is convinced that unless he actually sits on my wife's face life will just not continue. This is the beautiful moment that will last a lifetime.
This is the only room in the house in which we all sit together. This is also now the only room in the house in which I write. I have about 3 hours worth of work to do on my current book, but life has gotten busy and I just haven't made the time. I have promised myself that I will finish tomorrow so I can get copies out for the weekend and start looking forward to the first draft party. I plan on coming dressed as a banana. Actually, it's just a full yellow spandex suit with a pointy hat, but I call myself Banana Man when I wear it. The festivities include the 'limbo under a banana' competition, and the 'two legged banana' race.
I honestly have no idea why I write this blog - I have gone from a man who feared the release of his name into the world - to a man who claims to invite people over to his house to limbo under his banana. It is a startling turn of events, but honestly these words seem to make small waves, and there are people who know me now that didn't before. The goal is to find enough people who think these words or the artwork have value. Lord knows I've questioned the value of what I do most of my life. I was wrong to spend the last twenty years accepting the solitude and hiding from possible rejection. If I am the only one who tells myself I'm not good enough - then I will never really know for sure if that's true. The growing pains are difficult sometimes, but look at me now - spandex and all baby.
Suz and I have lost pets. Most of us have I'm sure. Unfortunately, for us they were just babies. I don't want to decide whether it's harder to lose a long time friend or a new one. Either way it's just too hard to want to think about. Currently, I am sitting in my den while Angus is being a clown, Sadie and Anna just want to be left alone, and Bronte (or Bubba as I call him) is convinced that unless he actually sits on my wife's face life will just not continue. This is the beautiful moment that will last a lifetime.
This is the only room in the house in which we all sit together. This is also now the only room in the house in which I write. I have about 3 hours worth of work to do on my current book, but life has gotten busy and I just haven't made the time. I have promised myself that I will finish tomorrow so I can get copies out for the weekend and start looking forward to the first draft party. I plan on coming dressed as a banana. Actually, it's just a full yellow spandex suit with a pointy hat, but I call myself Banana Man when I wear it. The festivities include the 'limbo under a banana' competition, and the 'two legged banana' race.
I honestly have no idea why I write this blog - I have gone from a man who feared the release of his name into the world - to a man who claims to invite people over to his house to limbo under his banana. It is a startling turn of events, but honestly these words seem to make small waves, and there are people who know me now that didn't before. The goal is to find enough people who think these words or the artwork have value. Lord knows I've questioned the value of what I do most of my life. I was wrong to spend the last twenty years accepting the solitude and hiding from possible rejection. If I am the only one who tells myself I'm not good enough - then I will never really know for sure if that's true. The growing pains are difficult sometimes, but look at me now - spandex and all baby.
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