I don't have to look very far to get inspiration from people in my life. Perfect example being my Sister-in-law. Someone who started her life over. I won't go into detail as I don't really have any, and it isn't my story to tell, but there was a point in her life when she could have made some decisions differently. She could have made things easy. Is 'easy' the word? Probably not. Maybe I can say that she could have accepted that life wasn't exactly as she wanted it, and then did as most of us do and settled for what she had.
What I do know is that she made some very brave choices. Decisions I don't think I could have made in my life. Basically, she wanted something for herself, and she decided to go and get it. Linda and I are very different people. A couple of times we lived together. My wife, her sister, and the ever crotchety quiet man. We shared rent, and tried not to kill each other for small periods of time. Now, we surely have things we do which drive each other crazy, but at the end of the day I think we love each other. I know I love her. I am ever impressed with her abilities as a person, and a mother.
Now I did play a rather key role in this life she has attained for herself. As much as Linda likes to give credit for her meeting Mark (her husband) to my wife. Let me dispel that myth. It has very little to do with Susanne and everything to do with me. I have an uncanny ability to tell good people from bad almost instantly. On a particular night sitting across from a guy I didn't know, at a work function which was not mine (It was Susanne's). Linda showed up (this is the Coles Notes version obviously) said she couldn't meet any good guys. I told her she didn't want to meet good guys, she fit the profile of a young single female, which meant she wanted to meet guys that would treat her like shit, and what she really wanted was a guy to follow around like a puppy dog. Now I know that's harsh, but I was drinking (oldest excuse in the world I know) and I barely filter what I say at the best of times, and when I drink the filter gets turned off. She took offense to this of course, and was adamant that she wanted to meet a nice guy. So I pointed across the table and said 'there is a nice guy, go meet him'. And she did.
Now she has most of what I think she wants out of life. I am sure there is a great deal more I am missing, but this is a blog and not a biography, so if you want to know the rest, then become her friend and stop nosing around. Just kidding.
The point is, two days ago a very lucky little girl was born into a very good home, to two very good people. Their life inspires others, just as all of our lives do. I realize more and more that the things we say and do as individuals ripple into the universe. Be the best version of yourself that you can be, and those actions inspire others. They really do, even if you don't realize it. I often feel that responsibility prevents me from following a dream. Trying not to get in your own way on the path to your goal is diificult at the best of times, and making brave decisions at the right time is the only real way forward that won't lead to regret. That is advise I've had trouble dealing with. The things we want often don't seem to mesh with the place we are in, but if you take Linda's example, then one day you too could be in the place you want to be, surrounded by the people you most want to be with. If only we could all live by the example of others.
I do take credit for everything they have. Quite simply it is my greatness that built everything they have. Obviously, I am kidding. I just look back on these two really great people that found their way into each other's lives, and feel good that I said something, as often I am apt to keep things to myself. At least at this point in my life, what I said, was completely out of character. Today, not so much. Maybe Linda making her first steps to a different life at that time, began the creation of the monster known as ME. I had actually never made that connection until this moment, but watching her become who she is, has certainly helped to make me who I am today. Now if we could only determine if that change was a good thing...
Wednesday 16 November 2011
Tuesday 1 November 2011
Razor Blades and Glue Sticks
I have started to discover my friends are worried about me. Well... The normal ones are. The ones who can't believe anyone would put personal stuff out there for the world to see. And believe me I can understand that, but there are two things you all need to know. First, everything here is real, and as many of you who get to spend time with me know, I haven't written anything here, that I haven't said out loud at some point. Secondly, I am a writer, and I often say things for dramatic affect. Don't get me wrong, I mean it. But as my wife tells me all the time, I embellish everything. Metaphorically speaking I sing the contents of the phone book, rather than just say the names out loud. I read the Sunday Times using the voice of Kermit D Frog. You need to take me with a grain of salt sometimes. The core of what I am saying, the root of it, is completely true, but the words are dressed up like drag queens at a gay pride parade.
I have an ever growing group of Favorite People. It's a list I keep in my head, and the list changes. As some of you know my life is about to change in a very big way. I am leaving a job I have long loved (and recently more-or-less hated) for something new. It's a great opportunity for me. I struggled with it for the past few months. I have four people I work with who keep me sane, make my life easy, and let me talk nonsense and make a fool of myself everyday. I have a team of people who I have long felt a kinship with that goes beyond anything I have ever experienced. Leaving this behind guts me to the core and leaves me bleeding.
I have felt protective and proud, laughed uncontrollably and commiserated, and worked beside the best people you could hope for. Initially, I didn't want to leave because I thought it would all collapse without me, but eventually I realized how arrogant that was. The truth is I have taught these guys everything I know, and they have taught me right back. We grew together as people and fought the good fight for a common goal. Now I have nothing left, and in fact with me removed these guys will go to the next level. They need me to go so they can learn even more. Sometimes growth has to hurt a little first. I suppose you can make the argument that I am telling myself this just to make myself feel better, and I see your point. I thought of that too, but it's not the case.
I will always have a relationship with these guys. We will still play poker, we will still have dinner, we will always be friends, and I will always be there for anyone of them. We just won't work together anymore. I don't have kids, but I imagine this sadness mixed with other emotions is sort of like sending your kid off to kindergarten for the first time. All those emotions of fear, excitement, and sadness cutting you to the core, and making you take the next step in life whether you want to or not. The kid will obviously be fine, but as a parent you want to throw yourself down, and demand that time stop. You want to be protective and shelter your child from possibility they may get hurt, and then reality slaps you awake again. You realize - that for the child you love so much to grow - you have to let them go. There comes a time when holding on only smothers the ones we love. I honestly think this is the case here.
I hope that as time goes by I will be remembered as fondly as I will remember them. I hope they feel like I was a good boss, and an even better coworker. I have been honoured and privileged to work along side these guys for more than 7 years. I have fought and struggled against the decision to leave, but at the end of the day if you cut yourself open with a razor blade - you can't fix it with a glue stick.
How's that for drag queens at a gay pride parade???
I have an ever growing group of Favorite People. It's a list I keep in my head, and the list changes. As some of you know my life is about to change in a very big way. I am leaving a job I have long loved (and recently more-or-less hated) for something new. It's a great opportunity for me. I struggled with it for the past few months. I have four people I work with who keep me sane, make my life easy, and let me talk nonsense and make a fool of myself everyday. I have a team of people who I have long felt a kinship with that goes beyond anything I have ever experienced. Leaving this behind guts me to the core and leaves me bleeding.
I have felt protective and proud, laughed uncontrollably and commiserated, and worked beside the best people you could hope for. Initially, I didn't want to leave because I thought it would all collapse without me, but eventually I realized how arrogant that was. The truth is I have taught these guys everything I know, and they have taught me right back. We grew together as people and fought the good fight for a common goal. Now I have nothing left, and in fact with me removed these guys will go to the next level. They need me to go so they can learn even more. Sometimes growth has to hurt a little first. I suppose you can make the argument that I am telling myself this just to make myself feel better, and I see your point. I thought of that too, but it's not the case.
I will always have a relationship with these guys. We will still play poker, we will still have dinner, we will always be friends, and I will always be there for anyone of them. We just won't work together anymore. I don't have kids, but I imagine this sadness mixed with other emotions is sort of like sending your kid off to kindergarten for the first time. All those emotions of fear, excitement, and sadness cutting you to the core, and making you take the next step in life whether you want to or not. The kid will obviously be fine, but as a parent you want to throw yourself down, and demand that time stop. You want to be protective and shelter your child from possibility they may get hurt, and then reality slaps you awake again. You realize - that for the child you love so much to grow - you have to let them go. There comes a time when holding on only smothers the ones we love. I honestly think this is the case here.
I hope that as time goes by I will be remembered as fondly as I will remember them. I hope they feel like I was a good boss, and an even better coworker. I have been honoured and privileged to work along side these guys for more than 7 years. I have fought and struggled against the decision to leave, but at the end of the day if you cut yourself open with a razor blade - you can't fix it with a glue stick.
How's that for drag queens at a gay pride parade???
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